


Welcome to Harmful Park

by Sufferando



Category: Harmful Park High Brow Gag and Pure Shooting
Genre: STG, Shoot em up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 04:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sufferando/pseuds/Sufferando
Summary: Welcome to Harmful Park!A place where people can enjoy rides, candy, and shooting. The price may be too good to be true





	Welcome to Harmful Park

Welcome! Welcome? Welcome!

My name is Valentine and I’ll be your pilot this morning. 

To all those who know the sweetness of youth or the savory pleasures of age. To the many that may have hearts as brittle as toffee or as strong as steel that surrounds this very park.

Park? Yes! Park! 

The very park you see coming over the horizon. Make sure you hold tight to the bars and remember you are in our patient airships. I can’t say the same for when you’re down at the park, I guess you’ll just have to see for yourself! Isn’t that the joy of life? To feel the adrenaline rush and not know where the next explosion will come from? But I feel I’m getting ahead of myself. We still got about 20 minutes until the ship lands at the park. You may of heard of the many changes that happened to the park since it's recently become under new management. How recently? As recent as yesterday! Amazing how the world changes. There is some new information that must be given to those entering the park and my personal home.

No seriously, made right here at Harmful Park. Established 2017 A.D. Formally Artful Park. 

A private island for those who enjoy the pleasures of life such as jokes, candy, and most importantly shooting! A park that was celebrated for it’s crafted machinery, tooth decaying sweets, and the sportsmanlike act blowing things up.

Boom! Bang! Scrap Metal Everywhere!   
Founded by our great master, Dr. Tequila, he was able to seize control of the park and turn it to the terrific park you see before you today. You may be asking yourself how did he get this amazing park. Did he build it himself? Did he buy it for all the money in the world? 

OF COURSE NOT!  
He stole it of course, the only way Dr. Tequila knows how to do business. Take notes children, the good Doctor is probably the most successful business man to date! In only two days he was able to seize control which would make any common salary man weep at their lack of skill. He only made this incredible deal as he saw the perfect chance as all his colleagues were trying to kill him.

Kill? Murder? Death? YES!  
Dr. Tequila, was one of the most respected doctors and engineers in his field and of course his supposed “friends” and other coworkers turned out to only be jealous. A great mind and even kinder heart. Those other scientists wanted to throw old robots like us away, ones that had a tension to malfunction or explode. How silly! Now all robots are free and do what they please, with the control of the good doctor of course. 

After he cleaned up all those nasty people, with our help, he gave us new life and new jobs that made us have a full purpose for once. Of course we are now loyal to him and we will live, fight, and die, die, die, again for him! The way to be a robot with it’s own free mind!

We protect the park from anyone who seeks to cause trouble such as; uruling children, troublemakers, the army, and of course anyone who wants the park to close earlier than usual. The good Doctor is not done with his toys...

I MEAN, his fellow robot companions! We wanna keep running and he wants to keep ruling so of course we listen to him. Now we protect the park and make sure folks like you have a great time. A vacation filled with guns, explosions, and FUN! FUN! FUN!

And folks what fun you’re gonna have today as the park is to introduce a new activity to the park that anyone and I mean anyone can participate in! From those who can barely walk and those who have incredible aim. You will each get a personalized weapon that can fit to your specific skill set. It’s complimentary to Harmful Park but you won’t just be shooting at harmless robots, oh no. You all have the very special duty of protecting the park. As said before many would like to stop the good Doctor so it would be of great help if you could shoot down those who are after our Dr. Tequila.

Who am I kidding? Of course you’ll want to do it as you don’t really have a choice in this case. You paid your ticket so why not wanna have some FUN! FUN! FUN! 

Now, as I mentioned before we are under attack by almost all the mainland. Suspecting this would happen the good Doctor has built a nuclear device that could end up causing a catastrophic explosion that could end up killing everyone at the park. And spin the world into environmental destruction! Crazy right? That’s good enough reason for no one to want to threaten the park, they wouldn’t want to risk the lives of you all, right?

Anyways; that doesn’t stop people from trying to take the park. Just in smaller numbers with only enough firepower to try and sneak towards the center. WEAK! Don’t worry folks, we won’t let them ruin our fun of course as they’ll only be adding to it! Congratulations everyone, you will be helping us take these foes down!

Zoom! Crash! Boom!   
The weapons that will be given to you can be used to shoot down these enemies for special prizes that just show how much more fun the park can be! 

5 points for every military craft!  
50 points for ever scientist cruiser!   
And a whole 100 points for these two children on flight bikes. Mind you that they are children but they are anything BUT harmless. They’ve already destroyed the front entrance of the park and that wasn’t very nice at all. They are nothing but brats that need a time out as soon as possible. Fun fact, the timeout is very common weapon used by guards. Just so there wasn’t any confusion.

Now you may be asking yourself, “Can I not shoot children?” Great question and the answer is you don’t really have a choice citizen. The good Doctor has declared Harmful Park an official country as to declare war on the mainland. That ticket you hold in your hand is a full access citizen pass! And with even better news on top of that you have been officially drafted into the first mainland war! 

Isn’t that just spectacular? I bet you weren’t expecting that today. Just think, this morning you thought you were on your way to a brand new amusement park but instead you’re a citizen in the battle against the mainland! For some, this would be a dream come true. I would be grateful to fight alongside you all but as of right now, I’m just your humble driver and announcer. 

Please don’t try to cause any type of distribution or I might have to land this ship earlier than expected. We’ve already had two hajackings today and it would be appreciated that another explosion doesn’t happen. Most of fellow citizens are still asleep at this hour and let me tell you a noise complaint is honestly much worse than explosion. 

Ha ha ha ha!  
Sorry folks, I don’t think any of you would understand that joke unless you were in the vacation industry. Let me tell you, people can be so cranky in the morning. Don’t get me started when we were telling people yesterday about their new citizenship. But you guys seem like a nice bunch and I know that many of you can’t wait to get onto the island. I’m so sorry for the wait but we will be pulling in soon. If there’s any more questions please asking me before you run out onto the tarmac and into your bunker-

I mean, hotel room. We wouldn’t wanna clean up another mess, you humans can be so messy sometimes. Just make sure to keep everything that you brought onto the ship with you including; cameras, wallets, children, and various body parts and fluids. It can be so hard to scrub certain liquids off of the cushions. If that’s all, I’m your pilot and guide Valentine and if you have any compliments or complaints please refer them to my superiors.

I’m in for a promotion hopefully soon and I’ll be able to join you all on the playing field soon! We shall be landing in about five minutes and when we land just keep your heads low and run. Just follow the sign and you’ll see the park. You can’t possible miss it. You’ll hear the music and screams if you’re blind and you’ll see the lights and embers if you’re deaf. 

It’s waiting for you all and you just gotta run to it. We shall be landing very soon so get ready everyone and prepare yourself for the experience of lifetime. Something that can only be experienced at Harmful Park and if you see the good doctor say hi for me! 

Now then…

RUN! RUN! RUN!

AND REMEMBER TO HAVE…

FUN! FUN! FUN!

ENJOY YOUR STAY AT HARMFUL PARK!


End file.
